


Paranormal Problems

by matchst_ck



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Magic, Cute, Dialogue Heavy, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Halloween!, Kissing, Liam Being Adorable, M/M, Magic, Mickey and Ian should always be happy beans, Not Canon Compliant, One Shot, Romance, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, diego the dragon makes an off screen cameo, mage!mickey, tiny bit, warlock!ian, wizard!lip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 14:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12583788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/matchst_ck/pseuds/matchst_ck
Summary: “Good afternoon, you’re through to the Paranormal Problems department. I’m Mickey the mage, how can I help you today?”Ian thinks that if a voice could sound as attractive as a bowl of butterscotch pudding, this would be the voice. He’s pulled from his daydream by an ear piercing bat screech.---Ian is a warlock who finds himself falling for the mage on the other end of the wand helpline. Cue Liam's transfigurations shenanigans, Ian's attempts at flirting and Lip being as blunt as a spoon!





	Paranormal Problems

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Halloween!
> 
> For the premises of the story I use witches, warlocks and wizards to differentiate between male/female magical users (witches/warlocks) and those with a higher level of magical power (wizards).
> 
> Mage = magician or learned person.
> 
> Thaumaturgy = the capability of a magician or a saint to work magic or miracles.
> 
> I really hope you enjoy. I was rather happy with this one and would love to know what you think.

Ian chases the brown, furry bat around the living room before it closes its claws around the light fixture and hangs there staring at him with its beady eyes and sharp teeth (and he knows they’re sharp, he has the teeth marks in his finger to prove it.)

“Liam! Get down here!” He slaps a hand to his face in despair before he grabs for his wand from his cloak pocket. Tapping it thrice against the table, he points the tip to his ear and listens for the musical notes that let him know he’s being connected. 

_“Good afternoon, you’re through to the Paranormal Problems department. I’m Mickey the mage, how can I help you today?”_

Ian thinks that if a voice could sound as attractive as a bowl of butterscotch pudding, this would be the voice. He’s pulled from his daydream by an ear piercing bat screech.

“Oh, erm hello Mickey. My name is Ian and I have a problem. Well, it’s not me really but it’s my little brother? Liam? He seems to be in a bit of bother.”

_“Okay Ian, what seems to be the problem?”_

“Well, he erm. He’s turned himself into a bat?” Ian shrugs even though Mickey can’t see him. 

_“Right, okay. And how old is he?”_ Mickey enquires and Ian screws his face up in puzzlement. 

“Erm, I don’t really know. How do you age a bat?”

 _“What the fuck?”_ It’s mumbled but Ian thinks he’s heard correctly.

“What did you say?” Ian presses his wand tip further into his ear to be sure.

 _“Not the bat! Your brother! How old is your brother?”_

“Oh! He’s six.” Ian can feel his face heat with colour, mortified even though Mickey still can’t see him. 

_“Okay, okay. And what’s he doing now?”_

“He’s just hanging from a light fixture, staring at me.”

_“That’s good, that’s good. We need him still to fix this. Okay, so has he previously shown any magical talent? I’m assuming there’s a magical current running through the family?”_

“Yeah, we’re a family of witches and warlocks. Oh except my older brother Lip. He’s off at MIT, he’s a wizard.” Ian says it proudly to this stranger over the phone.

_“Magical Institute of Thaumaturgy? Wow, great.”_

Ian can hear the sarcasm but chooses to ignore it.

_“Okay, so all you have to do is point your wand directly at him, think clearly of what your little brother looks like and clearly say ‘bat-be-gone’ and he’ll be right as rain in no time. Just be sure to be ready to catch him if he’s up high cause he will fall. Go on, try it now, I’ll stay on the line while you do it.”_

Ian pulls the wand from his ear and looks at it doubtfully. He’s not totally sure it’ll work but considering he’s been chasing bat-Liam all over the living room for the last hour and a half he’s willing to try anything. 

He steps up slowly so as not to spook him, right under where Liam is hanging. He points his wand directly at him, pictures his adorable little shit of a brother grinning at him and shouts clearly--

“BAT-BE-GONE!”

He has only a second where he can see the bat morphing and stretching and looking more like Liam before he holds his hands out and catches him safely. Liam grins up at him, just like Ian pictured and Ian can’t help but smile back at him. 

“Don’t do that again Liam!” He smiles, he can’t help it. “You scared me. Besides, Kev and Vee got that new familiar cat Svetlana and she’ll eat you if she sees you as a bat again. Go on, scram.” He drops Liam to the couch gently and watches as he bounces away to play. He shakes his head after him adoringly, before putting the wand tip back to his ear again.

“Mickey?”

_“Yo Ian, yeah m’still here. We good?”_

“Yeah, worked perfectly Mickey. Thanks.” He says genuinely.

 _“Eh, no problem. S’what I’m here for. If he’s got transfiguration down at six he might not be no warlock either, you might be sending another wizard off to MIT soon.”_ Mickey chuckles down the wand line and Ian feels the flutter right in the middle of his chest.

“Yeah maybe. Well, thanks.”

_“You’re welcome. Thanks for calling the Paranormal Problems department.”_

The line clicks shut on a musical note and Ian pulls the wand away from his ear. He’s glad Liam’s fine now and he’s absolutely, positively not looking for the very next reason to contact ‘Paranormal Problems’.

By Merlin, no he’s not.

***

It’s not even three weeks later when Ian eagerly picks up his wand tapping it thrice against the table again. He presses the tip to his ear, waiting as the musical notes tinkle away. It had taken him hours to find a problem that he couldn’t solve, though thankfully this time it hadn’t involved Liam.

_“Good evening you’re through to the Paranormal Problems department. I’m Mickey the mage, how can I help you?”_

Ian’s stunned silent at the fact that Mickey’s answered the phone, he figured he’d at least have time to ready himself as he asked to be put through to him.

_“Hello? Anyone there?”_

“Er, yeah sorry. It’s erm Ian. Ian from last time? I mean the last time we spoke, probably not the last call you had. I mean that probably doesn’t clarify anything does it, what I mean to say is--”

Ian is, ever so gratefully, interrupted by a chuckle.

_“I already know who you are ‘Ian from last time’. How’s Liam doing? What’s he done to himself this time?”_

“Oh! Nothing, nothing at all. He’s absolutely fine. He’s taking a nap with his dragon Diego.” Ian sighs, smiling.

 _“Jesus, he sleeps with his familiar? How big is his bed?”_ Mickey asks, incredulously. 

“What? Oh!” Ian cracks up into laughter at the idea. “No, no. He doesn’t have a familiar, it’s just his actual stuffed toy dragon. He’s teeny tiny, fits right into bed with him.”

_“Ah, glad to hear it.”_

He can hear the grin in Mickey’s voice and his heart does a little flip. He’s so far gone already he’s sick of himself.

_“So what’s the problem this time then?”_

“Well it’s er, it’s actually me. I’ve managed to somehow make my hair grow and I can’t fix it.” Ian lifts a strand of hair from his lap.

_“Right, so how long are we talking?”_

“Um.” Ian stands to properly judge just how long its gotten. “Down to my knees.”

 _“Wow, those’re some hair extensions.”_ Mickey chuckles. _“What length was it before?”_

“Buzzed sides, longer on the top.” Ian shrugs, the description easy enough. 

_“Mm, enough to sink your fingers into?”_

Ian will be damned if he can’t hear a hint of seduction in those dulcet tones.

“Erm,” he squeaks, swallows to clear his throat. “Yeah, yeah. Just enough for—y’know, tugging.”

_“Can picture it almost perfectly ‘cept—colour is it?”_

“Red.”

_“Red. Damn, rare breed.”_

Ian’s a long haired blithering mess at this point because he might have been out of the game for a while but he’s pretty sure this is tantamount to flirting? 

_“You try cutting it?”_

Mickey’s back to business now so Ian tries pulling his mind out of the gutter so they can fix the issue.

“Yeah, grows straight back.”

_“What spell were you trying right before it happened?”_

“A lengthening spell.” And Ian is fire truck red now, he can feel it.

 _“Oh really,”_ there is no mistaking the flirtatious tone of Mickey’s voice when he speaks next. _“And er, just what were you trying to lengthen?”_

“My bed.” Ian admits. “It’s too small for me. And I er, don’t have any problems in that other department.”

 _“No idea what you’re talking about Merida.”_ Mickey feigns innocence.

“Oh I think you do.”

 _“Not on a recorded call like this one I don’t. But wishful thinking will get you far. Okay, so what you gotta do is reverse the effects of the spell. Try--”_ Mickey quiets for a second before humming _“‘I tried this spell and my hair got long, this wasn’t what I wanted, I need it to be gone’. And voila, buzzed sides long on the top should be back.”_

“Okay, great well thanks Mickey.” He really wants to keep him on the line but doesn’t really have any idea how. “You got any ideas on how to lengthen my bed?”

_“Yeah, buy a new one.”_

***

The third time Ian calls the Paranormal Problems department is also the last time. He’s holed up in his room, door spelled shut to prevent any of his many siblings from interrupting. He’s worked out the most casual way of asking if Mickey is available when he’s surprised all over again. 

_“Good evening you’re through to the Paranormal Problems department. I’m--”_

“Mickey. It’s—it’s Ian. This is the weirdest coincidence.”

_“Not really gingerbread. If you’ve called before they route the calls through to the same mage if they’re available. And hey look, I was.”_

“Oh well, that’s—that’s great because I actually wanted to er. Erm, well I actually wanted to—to talk to you.”

 _“Yeah? What’s up this time? Liam turned one of your other siblings into a flying creature? You accidentally turned yourself into Cousin It again?”_ Mickey chuckles. 

“Well no, not really. Actually everything is fine, everyone is fine I mean. It’s just that well, what I really wanted was to erm, well. Ask you out.” He finishes feebly. 

There’s a silence, a long silence where all Ian can hear is his own breathing and the occasional crackle of the wand line. 

“Mi—Mickey? You still there?” He queries, quietly.

_“Yeah, still here Ian. I just—these calls are recorded, I told you that.”_

“I know, I know and I’m sorry if I embarrassed you I just didn’t have any other way to contact you and I--” he takes a deep breath “and I just really wanted to ask you out. Do you want to go out for a drink with me? Maybe some food?”

_“No. No I don’t.”_

It’s stated so harshly and so finally that Ian finds he has to rub his chest for the stinging there.

 _“I don’t know what impression I gave you and I’m--”_ Mickey struggles a little but continues _“I’m sorry but no. I don’t want to go out with you. I’m not—just no. Okay. You can’t call again unless there’s a problem.”_

Ian’s put himself out there and he’s been shot down, again. This isn’t the first time and as much as he hopes, it probably won’t be the last time. 

“Yeah, kay.”

_“Okay well er, thanks for calling the Paranor--”_

Ian pulls the wand away from his ear, taps it once to cut the line before Mickey’s even finished speaking. 

***

“I liked him, Lip. I really did.” Ian stresses as his brother tips the remainder of his egg nog back, shaking his head.

“You didn’t know the guy, you spoke to him a few times on the wand line.” Lip sniffs, shaking his head. 

“Yeah but there was something there, I know there was! He was flirting with me, I’m sure of it--” Ian looks less convinced now. “I think.”

Lip leans over, squeezes his knee “Ian, the guy works in customer service. He was probably just being nice. Sorry, bro.” He stands, tugging his cloak closer around him. “Okay, I’m gonna head over to Kev and Vee’s to help set up for the party. You coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll come.” Ian sighs as he pulls his cloak around him. It’s his softest, woolliest one. It’s Christmas and its already heavily snowed as they pull open the front door, Lip heading down the porch stairs before they both see someone headed up the garden path. 

It’s a young guy, wrapped up in a warm looking velvet black cloak and he’s wearing a witch’s hat with a bent tip, favoured by most mages.

“What business has a mage got wi--” Lip pauses, grinning back at Ian as he figures it out. “You know what bro, you stay here. You can catch me up in a bit.”

Ian takes a little longer to cotton on. The guy walks up the porch steps and stops just before him and looks up and Ian is met with the bluest eyes he’s ever seen.

“Hey. I’m Mickey.” The guy nods, sucking his plump bottom lip into his mouth and Ian is mesmerised by this (kind of short) ridiculously attractive young mage.

“Oh, oh hey Mickey I’m--” he pauses, looking around realising he’s at home. “Wait, how did you know where I live?”

Mickey blushes under his hat, tilting his head downwards so Ian can’t see him so well. Ian resists the urge to grip his chin and tilt his head back up. Merlin knows what he’d do if he put his hands on him. 

“Erm, yeah so when you call your address comes through on the Ivy vine in the office? Just in case we need to call the medi-mages out for you in an emergency so um, I really shouldn’t have used it like this.” He raises his head and Ian is ridiculously happy to see he’s blushing. “But I er, really wanted to see you. Wanted to apologise.”

Mickey is clearly a little uncomfortable, his eyes are darting around and his thumb keeps scratching at the top of his lip but Ian is totally enamoured.

“Apologise for what?” 

“For what I said. On the wand line. You—you surprised me, I really wasn’t expecting you to--” He sighs before shrugging. “Look I’m out but I’m not like, out out. Y’get me?”

Ian smiles at him. “I get it. I shocked you. So,” he drawls “if I’d led into it a little gentler, your answer might’ve been different?”

“I’m here now aint I?” Mickey smiles up at him with those straight white teeth and those blue eyes that are just full of cheek now and Ian’s gone. Call him a broomstick, he’s done, he’s ready to go.

“You are, but what am I going to do with you?” Ian grins.

“Well, I don’t think you’ve got a choice on that really. It’s traditional.” Mickey points up above the open door Ian is standing under before he steps closer to the red head so they’re toe to toe. Ian looks up, brow furrowed.

“I don’t see anything?”

He glances back down, watches Mickey whip his wand out of the folds of his cloak and flick it up at the door jamb. Ian looks up to find a sprig of mistletoe emerge from a crack in the wood and wind its way down toward his head. He laughs deep from his belly and looks down at a faintly blushing, grinning mage.

“Well, it is traditional.”

He grips Mickey’s hat near the tip, tugs it off gently and watches soft silky hair flop down a little over his forehead. He leans down slightly, captures Mickey’s lips in his own as Mickey grips his cloak sleeves. It’s soft and sweet and just enough of a hint of dirty when Mickey flicks his tongue out, that promises wonderful things later on. They part momentarily, noses brushing as the warm breath from their mouths clouds in the cold air.

“So Mickey, how do you feel about Christmas parties?”

**Author's Note:**

> Come chat on [tumblr](https://matchst-ck.tumblr.com/) :)


End file.
